i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
