anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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