i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
