anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
