You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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