I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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