Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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