you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize