Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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