god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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