he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.