What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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