I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
