Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Screwed.edu
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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