Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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