Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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