can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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