I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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