I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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