Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
