it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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