walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
