It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
