I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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