Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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