I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Randomize
