I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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