I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
