i permit you to call me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
