Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
