things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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