my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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