she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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