They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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