Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
