walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
