well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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