I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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