Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
