i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
