Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
