Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
