dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
