The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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