My brain says no but my pants say off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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