I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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