Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
