why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Edward fifth and chaser hands
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
