i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
