recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wear drunk well.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
