do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
