we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
