I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your penis caused this!
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