the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
