he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize