i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
