she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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