just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She said her name was "party"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
