I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
