I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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