Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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