How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
