in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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