Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
