tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
