Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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