people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
