she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
