we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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