I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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