More tranny stories later!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
