I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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