Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
