Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
