the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
